Complete in Thee each want supplied,
And no good thing to me denied;
Since Thou my portion, Lord, wilt be,
I ask no more, complete in Thee.

(3rd verse of "Complete In Thee", by Aaron Roberts Wolfe & James Martin Gray)

Monday, January 23, 2012

over here

when i started this blog, my husband was the primary writter on our family blog.  after his cancer battle seemed to have ended, he stopped posting there.  since then, i have commandeered that blog for my own personal use and have lately found myself posting of my personal spiritual growth there instead of here.  i'm not sure why.  

maybe it's because i start posting about my personal life and my spiritual life is such a part of that, that i find myself moving from conversation about my boys and everyday life into what God is teaching me through those things.  it is a good change, but one that finds me moving away from this blog.  

not saying i will never post here again.  but it may simply be left untouched for immense amounts of time.  

if you do want to read about how my Father has been growing me, feel free to stop by.

Proverbs 17:22 

Thursday, August 11, 2011

the power of prayer

i know i shouldn't be, but once again, i've been surprised at how prayer will open doors.  not just my going to God, but with the company of others.  i have been praying about it myself for sometime, yet after sharing my burden with a few friends i feel the Lord answering, blessing me in this trial.  how wonderful to know that our Father hears us!

at our church in Henderson NV, we often sang a hymn with the chorus... "we should ask, and seek, keep knocking at the door at Jesus feet.  we have not our needs because we do not lean on Jesus."  a good reminder to continually lift up our requests.  to go to God over and over and over. 

i feel like that song is a reflection of Matt 7:7-8
"Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you.  For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened."

and look at Luke 18:1-8

1 Now He was telling them a parable to show that at all times they ought to pray and not to lose heart, 2 saying, “In a certain city there was a judge who did not fear God and did not respect man. 3 There was a widow in that city, and she kept coming to him, saying, ‘Give me legal protection from my opponent.’ 4 For a while he was unwilling; but afterward he said to himself, ‘Even though I do not fear God nor respect man, 5 yet because this widow bothers me, I will give her legal protection, otherwise by continually coming she will wear me out.’” 6 And the Lord said, “Hear what the unrighteous judge *said; 7 now, will not God bring about justice for His elect who cry to Him day and night, and will He delay long over them? 8 I tell you that He will bring about justice for them quickly. However, when the Son of Man comes, will He find faith on the earth?”

to have others praying for you is such a blessing!  yes, i think there is a time and a place to share prayer requests and also it is wise to take into account your company when you share these petitions.  but oh, how great the result can be when another is lifting you up to the Lord! 

and i want to be that blessing to my dear brothers and sisters in the Lord.  i want them to feel the Lord answering their requests because i took the time to lift them up and petition the Father.  for me to go knocking on their account and both of us to be blessed by drawing near to our Savior.

Psalm 145:18
"The Lord is near to all who call upon Him, To all who call upon Him in truth."

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

oh, wednesday...

today is a hard day.  i'm trying to stay relaxed and spend lots of time soaking up my sons this week.  but today has turned into an uphill battle.  they fight, they are destructive, i can't seem to get the bare minimum accomplished, and i'm emotionally beat this week already do to some more follow up to Nick's health (nothing the dr. is concerned about at this point but we will be waiting and watching and checking up in 3 months).  and tonight i'm supposed to go minister to more kids at our "Wednesdays in the Park" program.  how???

only by the grace of God. 

that's all there is to it.  not saying that makes everything else.  not in the least.  but it does make everything do-able.  i can trust that He will get me through the day.  the trials will not diminish, no, they will persist even after i fall asleep; i will have the grace to be able to walk though them.   the children may not behave better, in fact, they may get worse; but my peace and joy will be enough. 

Psalm 139:23-24
"Search me, O God, and know my heart;
       Try me and know my anxious thoughts;
And see if there be any hurtful way in me,
       And lead me in the everlasting way."

i have assurance that He knows the battles in my heart today and is more than capable of holding me together as i battle though this day.  and in those thoughts, i find a little bit of peace...

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

spiritually assaulted...

yesterday i determined to get in some good study time.  i carved it out and spent a wonderful couple hours in the Word of God.  the boys were good (minus a couple squabbles) and the house was reasonably quiet.  i got done feeling refreshed and so excited at having time with my Father and even a little time to share with you here. 

and then the assault hit.  it caught me totally off guard.  Isaac decided to have a one sided fist fight with his brother for no apparent reason.  i calmly asked Isaac to come upstairs and a furious meltdown dissolved my little man resulting in 45 minutes of handing out judgement and helping him learn to get control of his emotions and talking through his decision to sin and the consequences of choosing sin over righteousness.  (have i ever mentioned that biblical parenting is very time consuming????)  that put me very behind on making treats for Bible study &  Christian felt that he was completely neglected and so spent the next hour crying, begging to be held and screaming at his brother while i tried to pull together supper.  the rain prevented grilling our meal like i had planned and because my oven was preoccupied with affore mentioned treats, supper was late.  thus, no shower for mommy (sigh...).  after changing into clean pants (that were way to big 6 months ago) and pulling my greasy hair into a pony tail, we headed out into the rain for Bible study.   

it might not get to some people.  i know that not everyone would feel bad serving supper late or being reminded that they have gained weight.  and on another day, it probably wouldn't have bothered me either.  but yesterday, after such an amazing high, i was emotionally crushed.  how could i have spent so much time eating up the words of my Lord and end the day feeling so defeated? 

as we sat in the kitchen, my loving husband reminded me that when we seek to live an active christian life, that is when we are so viciously attacked.  

once we reached Bible study, Kyle shared Ephesians 6:10-17 with us...

"Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of His might.
Put on the full armor of God, so that you will be able to stand firm against the schemes of the devil.
For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places.
Therefore, take up the full armor of God, so that you will be able to resist in the evil day, and having done everything, to stand first. 
Stand firm therefore, having girded your loins with truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness,
and having shod your feet with the preparation of the gospel of peace;
in addition to all, taking up the shield of faith with which you will be able to extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 
And take the helmet of salvation, and the sward of the Spirit, which is the word of God."

notice a theme?  STAND FIRM.  the devil will attack and he is not alone and he is strong.  do not take lightly the task of standing firm. 

God has given me so many tools to use for this defensive position.  the armor of God is everything i need in order to maintain a strong place, here where my Father has put me. 

yet, i neglected to prepare for the attack yesterday and was overtaken. 

today, in order to have time in the Word, i traded sleep and woke at 6:40 with Nicholas.  my brain was tired, but it was still wonderful to have some quiet time before the business of the day set in.  and today, i was more prepared for attack.  not completely prepared, but more than yesterday.  Lord willing, tomorrow i will be more prepared than today. 

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

the trade off...

i've had some mom's ask me lately if i have any good tips for getting into the Word daily.  As a mommy this can be more difficult than anything else you do in your day.  it often feels like every time you try to crack the cover on this precious book there is something or someone practically screaming for your attention.  even now as i have sat down to write of spiritual things, my boys are yelling my name from the basement. 

i have had to admit to these mommies that i have been floundering with this for quite a while.  feels like you are making ground until life happens and before you know it, it's been a week and you I suddenly realized i've missed my devo's again.  and why?  i can't remember what was so important that it stole all my time. 

i know there are things i must do.  i must cook if we want to eat.  and that takes prep work, planning, etc.  i must do laundry if we want to go out without smelling funny.  that takes effort, many trips up and down the stairs, and oh, the folding...  and i must spend time with my boys!  i want to make many memories and have lots of smiles & loves on a daily basis with them.  and that takes more time than any of the others!  in fact, godly women in the Bible are commended for working hard.  look at the Proverbs 31 woman.  she is constantly working & providing the things that her family needs & in verse 29 it says "Many daughters have done nobly, But you excel them all."

but i also know that i will not grow, in fact, i might indeed regress in my spiritual walk if i continue to neglect time in the Word.  i know from personal experience that when i neglect the scripture, i have less patience, i forget the wisdom i knew & i find it so much work to show love to others, just to name a few things that make living life less joyful.  and like "they" say "if momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy."  oh, there is more truth to that than "they" realized!  Proverbs 17:22 says, "A joyful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit dries up the bones." 

so now i come back to the question i have been hearing... how do you make time for the Word?  i've been praying and thinking about this a lot lately.  and when it all comes down to it, it's a trade off.

i wish i could say i just add it in there, like a multivitamin that i can pop in the morning and will just fill in the gaps though out the day.  but it's not.  it's so much more than that.  the Word of God needs to be my sustenance, not just a multivitamin!  i have to plan to eat and take the time to do it, so it should be with the Word.  i'm not going to tell you how much, but only that it needs to be daily, just as you eat daily! 

so what do i give up?  what will i be trading to afford time spent learning of eternal things?  well i can tell you, for the sake of my family, it can't be cooking or laundry.  and i cannot ignore my children as they are my charge from the Lord.  it's got to be something else, so what's it going to be? 

this can at start to feel like a painful question.  but then i'm reminded of the lesson i have been hearing over and over again for months, and for some reason, not absorbing until these past couple days.  remember your salvation! (Romans 10:9-11) remember that Christ gave up everything to save you.  remember the eternal hell you have been saved from, and the life of wickedness & evil that you have been saved out of. 

now, think again about the trade off.  what are you willing to deny yourself in order to spend time in the letter from the One who did all that for you? 

are you willing to trade tv time?  are you willing to trade sleep?  are you willing to trade a hobby?  are you willing to trade time with other people? 

i know that we have more time than we think, if only we remember our salvation and look for time in the Word in light of that beautiful blessing.  and i know that if you pray & ask, He will show you where the trade off is in your life.  so look carefully.  pray hard.  this will still be hard.  but more than just worth it, can i assure you!

Proverbs 16:20 
"He who gives attention to
the word shall find good,
And blessed is he who
trusts the Lord."

i usually ask for no comments (as i've wanted this to be a place to start you thinking and talking to the Lord, rather than men) but today i need help with this as well.  when do you find time in the Word?  what have you had to trade in order to have that time?  tell me what has worked for you.  perhaps we all might find some encouragement and help in this area through the sharing of thoughts here.

Monday, June 6, 2011

may i just say...

... humility is a hard lesson to learn, but one full of joy in learning a right attitude before the Lord.  :)

(started "Adorned with Humility" by Kris Goertsen.  i'm on day 2 and, well... ouch and praise God!)

Friday, May 13, 2011

waiting for something or nothing...

i have a lot of emotions and thoughts swirling around inside me lately.  things have been happening in the most resent today's that has been throwing me back to many yesterdays. 

some throwbacks are good.  they remind me that God has been most blessed and loving to me when i least deserved it.  Words from my Lord's letter have been reminding me of times in the past when the black and white seemed to lift off the page and become stamped on my heart.  i claimed these words as meant for me.  and still to this day return to those lines again and again. 

some remembrances come with dread and memories of times when those i love most were almost like strangers.  when i was powerless to do anything at all and yet it was required of me to be the strong one.  to be the leader.  to be the mover of events and the net holding my little family together, yet my heart was a crumbled mess tumbling around inside me. 

the two types of memories have been coming to me in a tangled mess.  it is impossible to remember the hard days without recalling the lovingkindnesses of my Father.  yet also, it is burden to bring back the blessings in times past because they are riddled with pain and grief.  grief and pain that has felt more fresh lately due to possibilities that are minuscule; yet, not impossible. 

Psalm 105:1-5
"Oh give thanks to the Lord, call upon His name;
       Make known His deeds among the peoples.
Sing to Him, sing praises to Him;
       Speak of all His wonders.
Glory in His holy name;
       Let the heart of those who seek the Lord be glad.
Seek the Lord and His strength;
       Seek His face continually.
Remember His wonders which He has done,
       His marvels and the judgments uttered by His mouth,"

words i read today by "coincidence", but meant the world to me almost exactly 2 years ago.  these were my chemo verses, for the days when my husband felt like someone else.  these were my laboring verses, while i waiting 3 days for my body to bring me the little one i was carrying. 

and today i'm running back to these verses. 

history may repeat it's self.  then again, it may never happen again.  and both of those statements are bringing me to my knees in tears. 

today is an average day in events, but within my emotions it is filled with tormenting waves of possibilities that hang over my head and threaten to break me into a million little shards.  the waiting feels as though it may strangle me, day after day, just waiting for something or nothing to happen. 

we wait for the test results.  the follow up to routine check up that was a hair weird.  and even though the doctor is 99% sure it's nothing, we can't ignore that 1% that threatens to be something.

i wait month after month for that little stick to give me 2 lines instead of 1.  they told us that we won't have any more.  but i still get my hopes up every month, second guessing nothings and counting days and crossing my fingers.  and yet every month the answer is the same.  1 stupid line. 

i am frail and weak and simple.  my God is strong and powerful and complex.  He knows my inner struggles.  He knows that some days i do not have the strength to smile in front of others because my heart is so heavy.  He will give me His Words; and listen closely to my confessions; and bring my heart into His own and comfort this little child who has wound herself up into a tizzy over things that might or might not be.  and whatever comes, it will be from Him.  and it will be good.  because He is Good. 

He will give me songs to sing... (Psalm 104:33) "I will sing to the Lord as long as i live; I will sing praise to my God while i have my being."  ... and with that, i think words to speak as well.  those words will be full of thankfulness to Him so that others will not hear about my hard days, but will continually hear about my great God!

He will guide my thoughts... (Psalm 104:34) "Let my meditation be pleasing to Him; As for me, I shall be glad in the Lord." ... the 2 go together.  when my thoughts are right about the Lord, my heart will be glad.  it will be very glad because i will remember how faithful my God is, how enormous His power is, how loving He is to me day in and day out, how much patience He shows me, how merciful He continues to be, and how perfect He is in every aspect of His character. 

so i will live my life for the glory of my Father.  there will be hard days now and then, but the over whelming theme of my life shall be the gladness that He gives me.  so forgive me while today i hide away and grieve these things that might or might not come to pass.  tomorrow will be a new day, and i will be glad. 

"Let the heart of those who seek the Lord be glad."