Complete in Thee each want supplied,
And no good thing to me denied;
Since Thou my portion, Lord, wilt be,
I ask no more, complete in Thee.

(3rd verse of "Complete In Thee", by Aaron Roberts Wolfe & James Martin Gray)

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

dear heart...

Dear heart,
Do you belong to me
Or do I belong to you?
Just look at all the trouble
You dragged me into.
I’ve heard it said
To follow your heart
But I’m starting to wonder
If it’s gone too far.

Oh heart, you let me down
Chasing love, when it can’t be found.
Heart, we’ve fallen out
All of your emotions have led me to doubt.
Tell me who’s gonna save us now?

Dear heart
You’re in the wrong place
Looking out for yourself
No matter what I say
And I know
That you’re holding me back
And it’s time for a change
So I’m giving you away

Oh heart, you let me down.
Chasing love, when it can’t be found.
And heart, we’ve fallen out
Cuz all of your emotions have led me to doubt.
Tell me who’s gonna save us now?

Heart, you let me down
Chasing love when it can’t be found.
And heart, we’ve fallen out.
All of your emotions have led me to doubt.
Only Jesus can save us now.

a sore throat has kept me home from choir tonight.  i love choir, but time at home by myself is also a good thing.  i was making some waffles for the freezer (our homemade version of egos) and was listening to this cd for some motivation (music helps me keep going and not just sit on my butt when there are things to be done).  and do to the fact that there was no little men stampeding around, i actually caught the lyrics to this song.  and boy, were they convicting. 

i've always been an emotional girl.  ever since i was little (ask my mom, she has plenty of stories).  and now that i'm a mom, i've leveled out a little bit on the little triggers (i don't burst into tears over commercials quite as much).  but, i still have to be very careful not to get caught up by my emotions. 

Back in high school, God was very good and gave me a verse to help me with this...

Psalm 57:7
"My heart is steadfast, O God, my heart is steadfast..."

i naturally paired this verse with so many others that speak of Him being our Rock, and i knew that i could put my faith, my future, my life, and my heart (speaking of my emotions and feelings), in His very capable hands. 

various trials in my life over the years have required me give my heart to my Lord over and over and over again.  yes, i was still emotional and i still cried and got angry and got hurt every time.  those things are natural to major life tragedies.  but i wasn't ruled by them.  the feelings would come and go, but through the surgeries and hospital stays and job searches, i could have peace & joy & even bits of happiness and laughter do to my gracious God. 

but i must confess, i have been failing to give Him my heart lately.  in the midst of these days of... everyday life (times when we have good health, we have income, we have a place to live) i find myself struggling with all the little bumps and getting wound up in a tizzy over the difficulties that nobody else would even bat an eye at.  i have allowed myself to pitty party over stupid stuff, and i have felt my anger beat the insides of me when things don't go my way.  it is a foolish & exhausting way to live! 

God has been working on me for about a month now, to get this point across.  things like Titus Tuesday Bible studies about self-control & discipline have been convicting beyond words.  conversations have lead me to thoughts that take me to prayer over my attitude.  and even some very mild, but very attention getting, physical crud in my body has been extremely effective in forcing me to turn over all of me, both physical and emotional, to my Blessed Savior once again. 

Savior... i love that Name.  He saved me from eternal damnation in hell.  He saved me to a glorious home in His presence.  He saved me from a life bound to sin.  And even now, He saves me, once again, from myself.  how merciful He is!

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