dear heart...

Dear heart,
Do you belong to me
Or do I belong to you?
Just look at all the trouble
You dragged me into.
I’ve heard it said
To follow your heart
But I’m starting to wonder
If it’s gone too far.






Oh heart, you let me down
Chasing love, when it can’t be found.
Heart, we’ve fallen out
All of your emotions have led me to doubt.
Tell me who’s gonna save us now?



Dear heart
You’re in the wrong place
Looking out for yourself
No matter what I say
And I know
That you’re holding me back
And it’s time for a change
So I’m giving you away



Oh heart, you let me down.
Chasing love, when it can’t be found.
And heart, we’ve fallen out
Cuz all of your emotions have led me to doubt.
Tell me who’s gonna save us now?





Heart, you let me down
Chasing love when it can’t be found.
And heart, we’ve fallen out.
All of your emotions have led me to doubt.
Only Jesus can save us now.




a sore throat has kept me home from choir tonight.  i love choir, but time at home by myself is also a good thing.  i was making some waffles for the freezer (our homemade version of egos) and was listening to this cd for some motivation (music helps me keep going and not just sit on my butt when there are things to be done).  and do to the fact that there was no little men stampeding around, i actually caught the lyrics to this song.  and boy, were they convicting. 

i've always been an emotional girl.  ever since i was little (ask my mom, she has plenty of stories).  and now that i'm a mom, i've leveled out a little bit on the little triggers (i don't burst into tears over commercials quite as much).  but, i still have to be very careful not to get caught up by my emotions. 

Back in high school, God was very good and gave me a verse to help me with this...

Psalm 57:7
"My heart is steadfast, O God, my heart is steadfast..."

i naturally paired this verse with so many others that speak of Him being our Rock, and i knew that i could put my faith, my future, my life, and my heart (speaking of my emotions and feelings), in His very capable hands. 

various trials in my life over the years have required me give my heart to my Lord over and over and over again.  yes, i was still emotional and i still cried and got angry and got hurt every time.  those things are natural to major life tragedies.  but i wasn't ruled by them.  the feelings would come and go, but through the surgeries and hospital stays and job searches, i could have peace & joy & even bits of happiness and laughter do to my gracious God. 

but i must confess, i have been failing to give Him my heart lately.  in the midst of these days of... everyday life (times when we have good health, we have income, we have a place to live) i find myself struggling with all the little bumps and getting wound up in a tizzy over the difficulties that nobody else would even bat an eye at.  i have allowed myself to pitty party over stupid stuff, and i have felt my anger beat the insides of me when things don't go my way.  it is a foolish & exhausting way to live! 

God has been working on me for about a month now, to get this point across.  things like Titus Tuesday Bible studies about self-control & discipline have been convicting beyond words.  conversations have lead me to thoughts that take me to prayer over my attitude.  and even some very mild, but very attention getting, physical crud in my body has been extremely effective in forcing me to turn over all of me, both physical and emotional, to my Blessed Savior once again. 

Savior... i love that Name.  He saved me from eternal damnation in hell.  He saved me to a glorious home in His presence.  He saved me from a life bound to sin.  And even now, He saves me, once again, from myself.  how merciful He is!

Psalm 105:1-5
Oh give thanks to the Lord, call upon His name;
   Make known His deeds among the peoples. 
Sing to Him, sing praises to Him;
   Speak of all His wonders.
Glory in His holy name;
   Let the heart of those who seek the Lord be glad.
Seek the Lord and His strength;
   Seek his face continually.
Remember His wonders which He has done,
   His marvels and the judgments uttered by His mouth,

These verses are very special to me.  God showed them to me about 2 years ago and has brought them to mind several times since.  i love the constant praise to our Lord and the reminders throughout to seek Him and remember Him constantly. 

i have a confession to make.  i have been struggling with my self-control/self-discipline.  the lesson at Titus Tuesday a couple weeks ago really brought that to my attention.  not that i'm an out of control fly off the handle type of person, but i have been failing to manage my time & home to make the best use of it and not denying myself in order to serve my Lord better.  and that is very selfish . 

this revelation has been very hard to come to grips with as i'm also struggling with some crazy emotions and weird physical trials.  so, through much prayer, i'm seeking balance. 

i'm not going to be staying up til midnight every night to try and get things done, my body just won't allow it.  but i will be getting up a little earlier in the morning to seek some quite time with my Lord before the kid-o's arise. 

i will not be doing an overhaul cleaning/organizing this week to correct everything at once.  but i will be implement a better weekly cleaning schedule that i came across here and organizing one closet at a time (3 down, 1 closet & a storage room to go).

i will not be perfect at this.  but i will be trying to cut out distractions (ex. computer time, little errands that could be done all at once), plan my meals better (i'm really bad at this), limit my creative crusades (ex. starting a dress when there is supper to cook) to the proper times, and mixing more scripture and prayer throughout my day.

through the power of the Holy Spirit, things will change in a God honoring way.  i already know that if i try to do it by my power, things fall apart, don't get done, and i'm a wreck. 

again, Psalm 105:4
"Seek the Lord and His strength; Seek His face continually."